What if He Doesn't?

I celebrated my 66^th birthday a little over a week ago. I love birthdays and am not bothered by saying my age number out loud, even to my preschool students who are pretty sure that 66 and 1000 are about the same. It is such a privilege to grow older, a privilege that many friends and family members have not seen, and I will never take it for granted.

Me, on my 66th birthday

The older I get, the more I see the tenderness of God. He cares for each of us in such a personal and attentive manner. He celebrates with us, and He mourns with us. In our pastor’s sermons over the years, he has often asked us to consider having a “What if He does?” mindset when it comes to tackling life’s problems and exploring the possibilities God has for us. I appreciate the encouragement to remember the power of God. Praying for a seemingly impossible outcome in full belief that God can make it happen gives us courage and boldness in our faith. A favorite Bible passage of mine resonates with that sentiment: “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” (Ephesians 3:20-21) Powerful, right?

Even so, I think it also is of merit to also consider the question, “What if He doesn’t?” It is a fact that some people get their miracle, and some do not. What about the faithful Christian servants who have lost their battles with cancer? What about the Christians we love whose marriages fail, despite their best efforts? And what about precious, wanted babies who are stillborn at full term?

How strong is my faith when God doesn’t give me the answer I want? And what can I do to build the faith muscles that will help me continue to trust God when big things go “wrong” and God does not intervene like I want Him to? Here are some starting points that I have found to work. 

1.       Have a “wrestling mindset.” As a preschooler, I grew up watching my brothers wrestle for their high school team, and I will say that once you learn how to fall asleep on bleachers, you are pretty well set for falling asleep anywhere your whole life. That aside, wrestling with God can be a positive thing. I’m going to the Psalms for this point, specifically the lament Psalms.  For example, in Psalm 44, the author is unsettled by God’s absence in the lives of His people. He writes:

²³ Awake, Lord! Why do you sleep?
    Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever.
²⁴ Why do you hide your face
    and forget our misery and oppression?

²⁵ We are brought down to the dust;
    our bodies cling to the ground.
²⁶ Rise up and help us;
    rescue us because of your unfailing love.

Like the Psalmist, do not let your voice go silent in the unsettled times in your life. Lean into your conversations with God, challenging, crying, mourning WITH Him. Even when you can’t hear Him, stay in communication with God. He hears you, and He will carry you through whatever path He asks you to walk.

2.       Consider whether your health, your relationship, your (fill in the blank) could be an idol. In a sermon I heard during my time in Cambodia earlier this year, the pastor talked about idols. He said, “Things that are good, but we think we can’t live without, become idols. If we MUST have it, but ‘it’ is not God, it’s an idol.” Truly, this thought can be terrifying to me, if I begin to think about all the things that God could ask from me. Just look at Job! And yet, when compared to eternity and all that my Lord and Savior gives me, this world and things of the world cannot win. I need to hold loosely even to all the blessings that the Lord has given me.  

3.       Build a community. It seems trite to say it, but we are stronger together – and Christianity is not a faith to be lived in isolation. We need to know we can count on our core group of friends and family to celebrate victories and to walk alongside us in times of tragedies. Even beyond than that, though, we need voices in our lives that will speak God’s truth to us when we are straying from it. We need people who will challenge us to grow in our knowledge of the Lord as well as to encourage us to take those next steps God has for us. A faith that is deeply-rooted and well-supported is harder to shake.

4.       Serve others. Having an outward focus builds us up in so many ways. It doesn’t even have to be big things – bend down to pick up the paper that someone dropped or smile at the cashier at Target or pay for the candy bar the person behind you in line is buying or stop and talk to the elderly woman waiting for her ride outside the grocery store. You can do these things even in the midst of incredibly difficult stretches. You just need to lift up your eyes and notice others. And then when you are able, you can do more – donate blood, find a non-profit that needs helping hands, help out at church on weekends, or make a meal for a friend in crisis. God has a strong desire to see His people serving each other and also serving the least of these. As it says in Matthew 25 “Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” Building up the part of you that looks outward instead of inward can help you see God even on the darkest days.

These four ideas will not sop up all the pain of life, but they may begin to restore our faith in God when His will is not matching up with ours.

In my life, I have experienced God’s “no” often. God said no to my first baby, with an early miscarriage. I lost my mom when I was 40, which to my way of thinking, was way too young. I had so many more things to learn from her. I walked beside my husband when his dad committed suicide and left us to care for his mom. I could go on, of course, but there are also the “yes” moments. I got to be a stay home mom while my kids grew up. I get to be an everyday grandma. I got to go to Cambodia – TWICE! I have been blessed with a marriage that has lasted 42 years and a husband whom I love deeply. I get to work at a job I love with amazing coworkers. God has come through in some amazing ways – AND He has also allowed a lot of pain in my life. Both are true. Both work together to shape me into who God wants me to be. I like to think, even if God doesn’t – He does.

When He doesn’t agree with me, He does love me.

When He doesn’t speak so I can hear Him, He does hear me.

When He doesn’t change my obstacles, He does walk with me through them.

When He doesn’t rescue me, He does restore me.

When He doesn’t heal me, He does save me.

Speaking these truths has helped me when God’s plan doesn’t align with mine. If your path in life has been filled with God saying “no” to your heart’s desires, let me mourn with you. I grieve the losses you have experienced, but I also know that God has more for you. God’s ways may not be comprehensible for us on this side of heaven, but the truth is that He does have your life in the palm of His mighty hands. He does see you and love you, even in the broken mess that you see as your life.

May God’s truth rescue us from our own thoughts and from the pain of this world. Amen.