Just Another Journey

Updated, September 29, 2016...

Weight: the amount or quantity of heaviness or mass; any heavy load, mass, or object

Synonyms -  effect, power, efficacy, import, significance, oppress, encumber, saddle, load

I have been struggling with my weight for some time now. At least twice before, over the past 15 years, I have lost a significant amount of weight. The last time, in 2005, I lost about 40 pounds. I was in a groove. I worked hard and it paid off, and I thought, for a moment, that I could maintain that weight loss. In reality, I did well for a couple of years, and then it slowly crept back.

I have always enjoyed my comfort foods, and when difficult times occur, I seem to turn to things like ice cream and chocolate. It’s not that I don’t turn to God, it’s just that I ALSO turn to food. These past couple of years have added ten more pounds beyond where I started that last time I lost weight. (Yes, on my small 5’1”-on-my-tiptoes-frame, I carried at least 50 extra pounds.) At the same time, I have not had an active lifestyle. Those times when I did want to exert myself, like hiking with the family on the North Shore, I have participated only through great effort, with a red-cheeked me in photographs as evidence. I also had a lot of foot pain (plantar fasciitis). That served as a two edged sword, as losing weight would have helped it but exercising hurt it. I was in pain and felt defeated, at times, when considering all of this.

My dear, thin husband and red-cheeked me

Me, at Christmas time

Back in 2013, in the midst of my weight gain, my husband was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. He immediately took it very seriously, and over the course of a year lost about 60 pounds. He has been extremely disciplined in his food intake and his activity level. He did everything I should have been doing. I could have supported him by doing the same things, but I stubbornly clung to my old ways. My weight climbed to within 10-15 pounds of what he carried on his 6’1” frame. I was embarrassed about this. Not even he knew how much I weighed.

For me, any time I have lost weight, the mental attitude was the first thing I needed to have in order. For whatever reason, I could not manage that aspect of things over these past few years. I would start exercising and stop again. I would try to eat less, but only for a month or so. I wanted change without pain, and that doesn’t often happen in the real world.

I suppose you could call this a transformation-in-progress story. The “weight” that has been encumbering and oppressing me has slowly been coming off my petite frame. Back in mid-November of 2015, I got a Fitbit. I put it on my wrist and did nothing else to change my behavior. I was a bit interested in the amount of steps I took, but not enough to do anything about it. I rarely broke 10,000 steps, that buzzing, lights-flashing goal of every Fitbit wearer. I ate whatever I wanted.  I call this period my “baseline data gathering phase.” I guess I did get some baseline data, but in reality, I was just not ready to do any work yet.

All of that changed after the first of the year. On January 4, I started using the Fitbit Flex (very basic model with no bells or whistles) and its software to help me figure out how to lose weight. I made a plan. The Fitbit told me that in order to lose the kind of weight I wanted to lose, I would have to expend at least 500 more calories than I took in. I recorded all my food, and the Fitbit recorded my steps. I started exercising, and discovered that the 10-15 minutes of exercise that I could do really didn’t amount to that many steps or calories. I discovered how out of shape I was, as I breathed so hard that I made myself hoarse, just trying to do the elliptical for 15 minutes a day. I discovered that I ate a lot more than I thought I did. I still didn’t break 10,000 steps very often that first month and a half, but slowly my ratios of calories in to calories out improved. Something happened about mid-February. At that point I had lost about 12 pounds and was starting to feel like I could do this. I increased the exercise element as well as the steps outside of exercise. I was gaining momentum and competing with myself to try to get those 10,000 steps most days.

I am still on this journey, but so far I have lost 30 pounds. I rarely walk fewer than 10,000 steps in a day. I have begun altering my forms of exercise so I don’t do the same thing every day. Most days, I exercise (elliptical or aerobics) for half an hour and take a walk for about an hour. I have seen a lot of different parts of Rochester on my long walks. I feel good and have begun getting comments from people who notice the change.  I wear great shoes, and my feet are not hurting at all in spite of the increased movement. I am so aware of what I am putting in my body that I often refuse foods that I love or eat much smaller portions than I would have before. I still like eating and sometimes get mad at foods I like for having so many calories. That’s not exactly practical, but it’s what I feel! I am not on any diet or any plan except to move more and eat less. It is hard work, as most worthwhile things are. I plan to continue and hope to lose another 20 pounds. Don’t worry, my wardrobe is fine as I kept all the clothes I outgrew “on the way up.” I am slowly decreasing my sizes and retro-fitting myself. :-) 

If you are on a weight-loss journey, no matter what it looks like, let me encourage you. Here are my thoughts, tips, or whatever you want to call them.

1.       The biggest thing to remember is that your weight does not define you. You are not a better person when you lose weight. You are not a worse person when you gain weight. You are YOU, loved and cherished by God, each day of your life, regardless of your weight.

2.       One of my favorite sayings about difficult challenges in life is, “You can’t start where you want to end up.” This is certainly true for weight loss. Start with small, sustainable steps and gradually increase your expectations of yourself.

3.       Each person is different and each body and mind combination responds in its own way. Use the tools that are available to you in your weight loss journey. While I responded well to the charts that Fitbit provided, maybe your path to weight loss is Weightwatchers, or Shakeology, or My Fitness Pal, or Take Shape for Life, or 21 Day Fix, or any one of a hundred other plans. Be careful to stay away from fad diets or things that could harm your health, but with that in mind, follow the plan that works best for you.

4.       Know that you have to be able to deal with being uncomfortable. Aching from exercising and being grumpy from being hungry are part of the cost of this journey. Yes, sometimes you can fill up on healthy foods and feel great about yourself, but SOMETIMES you will need to make a difficult choice to not eat something you want. Sometimes, you will eat a lot less than you really want. It will suck.

5.       It’s OK to make mistakes. You are learning and rewiring your brain and your body. Knowing what you want and actually doing it can be two different things. Keep trying. Keep learning. Keep changing.

6.       Celebrate each little victory in your own special way – but probably not with chocolate (although, York Peppermint Patty Minis are only 15 calories, so…).

Speaking of celebrating each little victory, I’m thinking that maybe I can find someplace to go hiking this summer. I’d like a nice picture of me at the top of whatever hill I climb – without those bright red cheeks!

Me in late April

Addendum, posted September 29, 2016

Since I wrote this blog back in late April, the weight loss journey has continued. I did go hiking this past summer. Here’s a comparison picture to let you see my “not rosy” cheeks! In fact, my husband and I bought a state parks pass and have been hiking many weekends, all around Minnesota. What a great way to spend my spare time!

 

Summer, 2014 and summer, 2016

One more pic of the new me, -50 pounds.

I have now lost more than 50 pounds, total. I am done losing weight and am in the maintenance phase of my life, which hopefully lasts the rest of my life. I feel healthy and my doctor gives me rave reviews for the improvements to a number of conditions (high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high resting heart rate, foot pain, and more). My basic premise from the first blog remains the same: small steps are the secret. Do what you can, as you can. Improve one thing first, and then a second thing. Don’t take on the “weight of the world” all at once. In fact, don’t do it all. Your value is not derived from your weight. I am not a better person now that I weigh 50 pounds less than I did last fall. I am only a healthier person. God’s image in me cannot be diminished by anything, and certainly not by a battle with weight. I say this because I DO get a lot of compliments on the weight loss, and in some ways, it makes me uncomfortable. Don’t get me wrong, the words are lovely to hear. However, there is a fine line that I want to be sure I don’t cross.  It is an unhealthy perspective that places that too much value on weight, and many eating disorders are born of that unhealthy perspective. Food is not the enemy, and your body is only a tool God gave you to help accomplish what He has in store for you.

Hey, I love you, whatever shape you are. Keep on keeping on. It’s not an easy journey. If you need some encouragement, please give a shout and we can walk and talk together.