Happy 30th Birthday, Emily!

Thirty years is a long time. I have one question: How could it pass in the blink of an eye?

Emily Elizabeth was born 30 years ago today. Times were different then, of course. Ultrasounds were less reliable for determining gender, so we opted to forgo the guess and just wait to find out the gender of our baby. After all, we had waited almost five years into our marriage for this joyous addition to our family. We had waited through a miscarriage. We had waited through those final days of college and first jobs, establishing ourselves a bit, financially and as a couple, before we took on parenthood. But oh, from the very first day I can remember, I have always wanted to be a mom. Emily Elizabeth Traff christened me into that role.

Great expectations - here we are, when Emily was on the way!

After many long hours of labor (we thought for sure she would be born on April 5), Emily was born. It was 12:31 a.m. on April 6, 1988 (4/6/88, for those who love numbers). As her father commented, much to the chagrin of the delivery room staff, she looked like “a purple lizard.” This new little life was all ours. We could not have been happier. Friends and family members visited us at the hospital and at home, and we welcomed them all. We were delighted to share our joy with any and all of our loved ones. My parents were expert grandparents, having 13 grandchildren come along before Emily. They cherished her with eyes sparkling with wisdom, knowing a bit of all the joys to come (for us, for her, and for them). R.J.’s parents were first-timers. They cherished her with eyes sparkling with anticipation, eager to explore the joys to come (for her, for us, and for them).

Adoring new parents

Grandma Audrey with Emily

Grandpa Charlie with Emily

Grandma Barb with Emily

Grandpa Les with Emily

We settled into the role of parenting fairly easily. I was at home, enjoying learning all about being a mom. We moved from a 2-bedroom apartment to a 3-bedroom apartment (with a washer and dryer in the unit) and felt pretty content.  The second apartment was in a good location for long walks, but it ended up not being in a great neighborhood, so we only stayed there for a year. It was at that time that we found a house to rent.  We were excited to be in a real neighborhood with a real deck and back yard. It was almost as if we were grown-ups! Emily loved the neighbors and the back yard. I was especially tickled to have neighbors on either side of us with small children of their own, Renae Sander and Kay Coker.  After a while I did a little part-time, in-home daycare for a friend’s new baby. Life was pretty near perfect, especially as a new little sibling for Emily was on the way.

Our little girl on the steps of our rented house - well, at least we had the top floor of the house.

Emily was a very bright child, right from the beginning. She spoke clearly and had lots of language early. (As a first-time mom, I kept track of everything!) Her attention span was amazing, for a small child, and she LOVED books.  It was the funniest thing when we would occasionally resort to a time-out for our little darling. We would put her in the playpen for a few minutes, and when she came out, she would often confess things we didn’t even know she did, in addition to the offense she had been “serving time” for! What a sweet heart she had.

Falling asleep while reading a book, from an early age

Emily was almost two when Joseph was born. She handled the responsibility of becoming a big sister well. She announced “Baby is crying! Baby is crying!” so we would know to go take care of little Joseph. Sometimes, she informed us, “The baby wants Daddy,” when SHE wanted Mommy. Subtle, right? Overall, though, the pair soon became buddies. One of the cutest things was the way she called him “Jofus.” I loved that so much. Emily was an awesome big sister, so why not add another younger sibling? We also happened to find a home to purchase right about then. We moved with two young children and soon added a third. We also found a wonderful little church to attend, Rochester Christian and Missionary Alliance Church on Center Street.

The essence of being a little brother!

The perfect big sister - well, for the moment, anyway!

Taken around her third and his first birthdays.

Actual quote, about this time..."My name is spelled E-M-I-L-Y, but I wish it was spelled Y-L-I-M-E."

Emily was about three and a half when Laura was born. She was delighted to get a little sister to add to her little brother. She did think of herself as the boss of them, which was pretty cute most of the time. She continued to be precocious in her language development. She was not quite four years old when she started reading. I swear, I didn’t actually teach her to do that. I read to her a lot, and sometimes pointed to the words as I read, but mostly it was just an explosion of learning for her. One day she read, and she read from then on, she read well.

She's a loving big sister!

Emily with Grandpa Charlie, enjoying his interpretation of a story.

Emily, Laura, and Joseph

When Emily was almost five, she got really sick. She had tiny, stick arms and a big, bloated belly. She was lethargic. We were very concerned, so we took her to the most amazing pediatrician ever, Dr. Hila McCoy. Through her expert guidance, we discovered that Emily had Celiac Disease. Diet changes were difficult, and we made lots of mistakes in the early days. In the end, feeling better was worth the effort, and Emily became an expert in the world of gluten-free, back when that world was WAY more challenging than it is today. (Some of the funniest stories on that front came later. I remember one time when she asked the pharmacist if her antibiotic prescription had gluten in it. He said, “Does she have an allergy?” She responded for herself, “INTOLERANCE, not allergy.” She was also intolerant of ignorance. J)

On her fifth birthday, note the thin arms; she had just been diagnosed with celiac a month earlier

One of my favorite stories of Emily reading at a young age came when she was five but not yet in kindergarten. She was shopping with me, and so tiny from the celiac disease that she was riding in the seat of the cart. We were just about alone in the grocery store. As I stopped the cart and went back half an aisle to grab a forgotten item, I heard her little voice calling to me, "Mom! It says here, 'Do not leave child unattended'!" I still chuckle thinking about that moment. Emily entered kindergarten reading at about a fourth or fifth grade level. Her fine motor skills were pretty lacking, but math and reading were off the charts. She fell in love with Ms. Emmons, the librarian at Jefferson Elementary. The two of them developed a real bond while Em chose books most of the kindergartners could/would not choose. In November of that year, we added our final child, David, to the family. He was quite the exclamation mark for our family. Shortly after David was born, we heard Emily crying up in her bedroom one evening. We raced upstairs, as it sounded as though she had been hurt. That was not the case. She had been listening to a tape of herself, singing all the songs she knew at two and a half years old. She said that listening to that tape made her realize how quickly she was growing up. She didn’t want to grow up, because then she would have to leave Mom and Dad, and she couldn’t bear that thought. She was pretty sad for the rest of that evening. Sometimes we were just left speechless by the deep thoughts of this little five-year-old girl!

This was the second day of Kindergarten, as pictures were rained out on the first day.

Another brother to love!

My perfect Traff Troupe

These kids. They were (and are) the coolest.

The picture is staged, but the love for books is real.

Those elementary school days were busy and blessed. We loved our neighborhood school and all the teachers who knew our family well. Emily managed her celiac disease by calling home to read ingredient labels to me, over the phone. Good thing her reading skills were good, because label reading is no small task! We lived in a great neighborhood and were blessed by a new family, the Harrises, moving in across the street from us. Michelle eventually taught piano lessons to most of our kids, but the first was, of course, Emily. She started lessons at nine years old, about the same time we got our cat, Matilda. Matilda was a wonderful addition to our family. Right as Matilda was entering our life, so were Kelly and Donnie. They were cousins but became like family, so Emily had one more little brother to contend with in Donnie.

Neighborhood Trick-or-Treating with the Harrises

Traff Troupe with the Harrises, at a later date, getting a Gator ride from Grandpa Charlie.

The Troupe Five, with little Donnie in the mix

Matilda, loving on Emily

Em “graduated” from Jefferson and moved on to Kellogg. Middle school was not easy for her. Girls were mean, and she struggled to find her “spot” the way she had in Jefferson. Finally, she started volunteering in the library and found her happy place. Those librarians loved her as well. It was during the middle school years that we moved one final time, about six blocks from our little, one-and-a-half-story home to a slightly bigger, two-story home. Emily walked by the new house often as we prepared to move, to get to know the flowers and feel comfortable with the move.

First day of middle school

The Troupe on the swing set that came with the new house

 Em was soon on to Century High School, honors classes, and finding some really good friends. She ended up traveling with her friend Rachel’s family a couple of times, enjoying her first airplane ride right around her 16^th birthday. Rachel’s family was the first to make a birthday party (Rachel’s) entirely gluten free, so Emily could just eat what all the guests ate. They may never know what a gift that was to Em.

Emily and Rachel

High school wasn’t always bliss, but Emily made it through and headed off to college at Winona State University. Two college tours were all she could manage before she went into overload and said she just wanted to make it simple and go to Winona. R.J. and I have long been fond of Winona State, as we are alumni who met and fell in love there, so that sounded just right to us. Life-long friend Kyle also decided to go to WSU, and Emily said her entire plan for socializing was to follow Kyle around. It worked perfectly. In college, Emily found many like-minded friends. She hung out in the “Geek Lounge” (so-named by her peers), tried fencing, and learned about anime. She eventually fell in love there as well, with a soft-spoken, giant of a man named Eric Ling.

Graduating from Century High School

With high school friends Rachel and Mike, on moving day to WSU

Emily with Kyle in their early days.

Video Game Club (VGC)

Em and Eric, on their first date

Em and Eric's engagement

It was about this time that Emily took a job at WalMart. They made her a greeter. Anyone who knows Emily at all knows that “greeter” would never be a position you could imagine her doing. She had her first anxiety/panic attacks in connection with this job and came home briefly to regroup. We got her counseling and some meds and prayed that our precious little girl would heal. She eventually learned enough about her body to combat those panic feelings when they tried to attack her.

Emily and Eric were married on July 3, 2010. It was a wonderful day, filled with the magic of soul mates connecting. There were so many details that were so completely Em and Eric. We loved that. The reception was entirely gluten free, of course – who wants to be sick on their wedding? Em and Eric slept in a limo ride on the way to their reception. Of course they did! They chose to hide during the week after their wedding and take their honeymoon, a trip to Grand Marais, about a month later.

A typical exchange between Emily and Eric

The limousine ride

The perfect cake decorations

Emily and Eric have been married almost eight years now. She is a great kitty-mom to their big-blessing of a cat, Ada.  Emily has recently been identified as having Asperger’s Syndrome. She is as brilliant and kind as she has always been, and yet as we look back we can see little indicators of her differences that we missed along the way as she grew up. She is sensitive to over-stimulation (too much sensory input) and can easily be overwhelmed. This past year has been a challenging one the two of them. Eric has been struggling with mental health issues. We are glad to step alongside Emily and Eric at this time to help them along the way.

Emily’s smile still lights up a room, and her laughter is golden. She is compassionate, creative, and resilient. I would be delighted to know her and have her in my life, even if she weren’t my daughter. I am even more blessed that she IS my daughter! She is my firstborn, my baby girl, my Omelet Snigglefritz, my joy. She is turning 30 years old today! I celebrate her, the totality of all that makes her Emily Elizabeth Ling.

I am proud of you, Emily, and I love you.

Emily and me, beginning our love story