More Life Lessons

Many of you know about how our living situation will be changing in the year to come. We are planning to move to a different home here in Rochester to help accommodate our oldest daughter and her husband. They have had some mental health challenges which make it difficult for them to hold jobs. They are currently living in an apartment, and we are helping support them.  A more financially sustainable plan is that they share a home with us. They have agreed to move in with us following their lease’s expiration next July, but our current house, a two story, is not ideal for that kind of living arrangement. We want them to be as independent from us as possible, so we are looking for a bi-level split or a rambler, where each of us can have separate living space. We would also consider a house that is already constructed to be a duplex.

I hesitate to talk about this, because people’s first reaction is to say something about how wonderful we are for being willing to do this. We’re not “wonderful.” We’re just parents looking for the best outcome for our kids. Family takes care of family; it’s what we do. That’s not the focus of this message. What I want to talk about here is the process God has been guiding me through as we make our house ready to put on the market.

We have owned our 60-year-old home for the past 17 years. We did a lot of little home improvement projects (and some big ones, too) when we first moved in but have been coasting in that department for quite a few years now. Because of that, there were projects that would have needed to be done whether we were moving or not – but we probably would have spaced them out a bit more than we are able to do right now. As we worked on the projects we knew we needed to do, others came up unexpectedly. I began to feel the weight of the cost of all those repairs. I know we can’t do everything I want to do. God is teaching me to accept that graciously, and to allow others to help us. A couple of my brothers have done some work for us. It has been a blessing to get to spend more time with them in the process. God uses everything, especially my weakness, to show me His kindness. Lesson number one for me has been to let other people in, to accept that there are things I cannot do, and to ask for and accept help.

Our upstairs family room hasn't been this clean in ages.

Even our unfinished basement is coming along. Anybody need a comic book collection?

And then… I have been cleaning, dejunking, and generally getting rid of stuff. We returned from an amazing thirty-fifth anniversary trip to Prince Edward Island at the end of June. Since that time, I have been working my way through our house, room by room – throwing junk away, recycling things, and donating things. I sure wish I hadn’t accumulated SO MUCH STUFF in the first place! Seriously, people – garbage day is my favorite day of the week because it means that those big garbage and recycling bins are empty so I can once again start filling them. That certainly makes a statement about my life right now!

One of the many treasures I found in my deep-cleaning efforts.
This family portrait was drawn by a much younger me.

In a very real sense, we are downsizing. Our new house will most likely be similar in square footage to what we now have, but R.J.’s and my space within that house will be significantly smaller. In many ways, it will be like we are moving to a two bedroom apartment. We expect that we will have no more space than that. How will I possibly be able to get rid of that much stuff? At the beginning of this process that looked like an impossible goal, and quite honestly, it still does some days. It is overwhelming and exhausting.

R.J. does not have the same attachment to our belongings that I do. I tease that he wants me to live in a box.  That is not exactly true. He keeps saying that he doesn’t want me to live in a box; he just wants me to be prepared to live in a box. What’s crazy to me is the shift that has been occurring in my wee little brain. Instead of clinging more to the things we have left, I seem to be releasing items more easily as this deep cleaning process continues. I don’t exactly know how to choose which items to let go of, but I am way less attached to the belongings we have left than I thought I would be. There are days when I don’t want any of it. The things of this world have become somewhat of a burden to me. God is stretching me and helping me release my grip on things in order to increase my grip on Him.

This past week we had our first walk-through by our realtors. We are not at the point of being ready to put the house on the market, but we are at the point where I am not embarrassed to have someone walk through every square inch of our house. They gave us good suggestions of projects to do and projects to skip. “Don’t focus on the minutia,” was one of the realtor’s recommendations. He has a good point. If people are looking at our ceilings and questioning whether they are white enough, we have probably lost them as potential buyers. He also told me, “You guys have a really nice house – with a one car garage.” It’s not like I didn’t know this, but his point was that our appeal is limited by the fact that we have only a one car garage. Most people want more than that. There is nothing I can do to change what people want or to change our garage. I need to accept that. There it is again: acceptance. God knows I need this lesson, so He is gracious enough to present it to me over and over again to see to it that I get all the nuances.

We have been starting the process of looking at available homes in Rochester in our price range. We want to make a mostly lateral move (price-wise), as we are not interested in accruing more debt at this point in our lives.  The homes we are looking at need work of some sort, of course. New is not an option for our price range. Right now I am tired, and I am not looking forward to more projects once we move, but it is likely that we will have them. The good news is that I have acquired some skills in this process of getting our home ready, so there are jobs that I know a little more about. I know which ones I can tackle (alone or with a little help) and which ones I would leave to a professional. Life requires endurance, and as I slog through the tasks at hand, my eyes are opened to the struggles that so many individuals feel just opening their eyes each morning. Learning how to work and how to rest, and learning the importance of the balance between those two opposing forces, has been another lesson from God.

Life can be hard. It is exceptionally hard right now for my daughter and son-in-law. My compassion for them increases the more we walk alongside them in life. I am so thankful to our Heavenly Father for guiding me on this path and lovingly stretching me to be less interested in things and more interested in Him. I want to “lean in” to life in all its seasons, both happy and sad.

Heavenly Father, I am so grateful for You and for Your loving patience with me. I pray for those reading this message. If there are burdens that they are carrying alone, help them understand that You want us to live this life together, that they can accept help as well as prayers from the body of Christ with no shame.  God, help us learn to have a loose grip on the things of this world and a tight grip on You. Let us work in You and rest in You. I love you, Lord. Amen.