Thankful for it All

Thanksgiving marks the beginning of the holiday season for us in the United States. Most of us hold off on the urge to decorate for Christmas until after Thanksgiving, but the “holiday creep” has definitely impacted many households.  Sometimes it’s out of necessity: we celebrate Christmas whenever we can get the family together. Sometimes it’s out of our pure, can’t-hold-it-in joy: we can’t wait any longer to get out those Christmas decorations and watch those Christmas specials. Of course, the retail market doesn’t even wait for Halloween to be done before starting setting up Christmas displays. There is a constant tension between the camp that would prefer one holiday at a time and the camp who can’t (and won’t) wait for Christmas. Now that Thanksgiving is upon us, it no longer matters which camp you are in: Christmas decorations will be everywhere.

I’m in the camp that doesn’t want to skip over Thanksgiving. So for today, I will be celebrating this holiday of gratitude. I have so many things to be thankful for! This year I want to think about thankfulness in a little different way.

At this time of year, it is natural to look back at past holiday celebrations. Nineteen years ago, we celebrated our last Thanksgiving with my mom. We had no idea it was the last holiday we had with her. Would we have done things differently if we did know? That’s hard to say. To tell you the truth, I don’t have a lot of specific memories of that last Thanksgiving with Mom, but I remember many years of Thanksgiving traditions in the old family home. I remember feasts of joy.  I do remember my dad’s last Thanksgiving, nine years ago. He had been on hospice care for a while at that point, mostly sleeping and in a fair amount of pain. He was in no condition to travel to our family gathering, so I stopped in to see him on the way home afterward. The staff had him dressed up in a white shirt and tie, like he should have gone somewhere. When I walked in to that sight, my heart broke into a million pieces. He didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving with us, and he would never celebrate with us again. Of course I have specific memories of the last Thanksgiving we spent with my mother-in-law, Barb, just two years ago. We had hoped she could join us for the family celebration with my side of the family, but her arm surgery the day before left her uncomfortable. She just wanted to stay home. We loaded up a plate of goodies for her and visited her after our other celebrations were done.  Again, we had no hint that this was to be our last holiday celebration with Barb. You know what? I am thankful for all the lasts in my life, both the ones that I saw coming and the ones that I didn’t know were lasts. They have taught me to cherish each day of “normal” life for the gift that it is.

Last great pic of Mom & Dad together, October, 1999

Dad's last birthday celebration, end of October, 2009

Barb, at the beginning of her broken arm saga,
late August, 2016

“Lasts” are definitely important, but so are “firsts”. With the birth of our first grandchild earlier this month, I am definitely in tune with all the firsts in her life (and ours). Elle has been meeting people for the first time. She recently met her Uncle Eric for the first time, as we celebrated our son David’s birthday over at their place. Eric’s big hands held Elle’s small body. What a great first moment together! Then a day later, Elle made her first trip to Grandma and Grandpa’s house (yeah, our home) and met Rilla (the cat) for the first time. Rilla was definitely curious and confused about this new little bundle of wiggles and smells that entered her domain. Most firsts for Elle have been occasions for joy so far, but we know they won’t all be that way. Firsts can be both good and bad, happy and sad. Will I be equally grateful, no matter what?

Uncle Eric meeting Elle

Elle's hand and Eric's

"What did you bring to our house?"

"It moves!!"

"I think we like each other."

I am reminded of first holidays with each of our four (now grown) children; of all those first steps, first words, first days of school, and so much more; and of all the holiday traditions I inadvertently started by doing something a first time. (Watch out for this slippery slope, all you moms and dads out there!) I am also reminded of so many days when we bravely moved on to the first holiday without a loved one. The first Christmas without my mom, who passed away on December 19, 1999, was an especially tough one, as was the first Christmas without my father-in-law Les who lost his battle with depression in the summer of 2014. Lasts and firsts are often inextricably linked. For instance, this is almost certainly our last holiday season in the home we have known for the past eighteen Christmases; next year, we will have a new place for family to gather and a first celebration there. Right now, that first is still a puzzle to be figured out, but we know it is coming.

Our first-born's first day of kindergarten

The last hug from Grandpa Les

History and mystery mingle together to form life. Will I be grateful, no matter what? I don’t need to be grateful for the sorrow or pain in my life, but neither can I let it make me grow bitter. I can be grateful for my comforters here on earth and my Eternal Comforter as well. I can also be grateful for the compassion I gain from the misery life hands me. I can be grateful for what is to come, the firsts I cannot see yet, because the very idea of firsts-to-come builds up hope in me. I can be grateful for the courage to face tomorrow because I know Who holds tomorrow.

Faith + Courage + Hope = Gratitude

Happy Thanksgiving, my friends! May God’s indescribable peace bring you hope and gratitude, no matter life’s circumstances. And remember, I love you.