Around the Bend

I ran into a friend at Walmart today, and she said I looked lost – and tired. I’m convinced that she meant it in the nicest possible way. In truth, I am exhausted. Christmas wears me out every year. Before we even get into anything else, remember that I am a preschool teacher. I LOVE MY JOB, but this is an intense time of year for preschoolers. The energy in the air is palpable, and absolutely nothing is predictable right now. Let’s just say I get a mental and physical workout every day. Additionally, there are so many tricky days in the month of December. My mother-in-law died two years ago on December 2. My dad died 9 years ago on December 9. My mom died 19 years ago today, December 19. (This is weird. I just now realized that the days of the month lined up with the years they have been gone.) These anniversary days come and go, and even if I don’t say a word, I know. I know that my emotions are on right up on the surface and that if I am smart, I will build margin into this season. This year I also know that there is sooooo much that I want to share with each of those important people in my life (like especially our amazing granddaughter, Elle, and this wild move we have coming up), and it really stinks that they aren’t around to share in all the joy and all the chaos.

My husband enjoying our precious Elle-f (tee, hee)

We are in the middle of a very big transition in our lives, and transition can be exhausting. Back in early July, we started on a journey to sell our house and find a new one. I have explained this in previous blogs, but we want to be able to share our home with our oldest daughter and her husband, as they have been going through some tough times. Our two-story home that we have lived in for 17.5 years simply would not provide a good division of space. We thought a split-level home or a rambler would work better, with the space more easily and evenly divided between us. In order to sell our home, I started working on projects and getting rid of stuff. I worked hard for four and a half months. Finally, we put our house on the market. Unbelievably, it sold in just over two weeks. We got a great offer that gave us a flexible closing date, so we could begin looking in earnest for what would be our next home. We looked at quite a few homes and finally found one that we believe is a really good fit for what we need. And like crazy people, we offered a quick closing date to make our offer more attractive when we found out there was another offer on the table for the property we liked. So here’s the deal. We put our house on the market on November 16. We bought a new house on December 17. We move on January 18. It makes me a little afraid of what might happen on February 19!! There is so much to think about and to do in the coming month. I am tired now and I know that even once we move, there will still be work to do. (Let me just say one word: wallpaper. The new house has my archenemy Wallpaper lurking around every corner: a border here, an accent wall there…. Somehow, I knew there would be wallpaper.) So, the house needs some love. There is nothing wrong with that. It has so many things right with it. I firmly believe it will be the right home for all four of us.

Our home of 17.5 years

Our next home

Life at large just plain leaves me physically tired right now. Even though it seems to the outside world that things happened quickly with the house, I feel the fatigue of having worked toward this goal for almost six months now. It is a healthy fatigue, but a fatigue nonetheless. And there is still a degree of uncertainty about it all. We have lived in our current neighborhood for over 27 years, and this new house is in a completely different area of town. Em and Eric will move in with us at the end of July, and we will be learning as we go. I feel like the fictional character Anne Shirley as she described her life: “When I left Queen's my future seemed to stretch out before me like a straight road. I thought I could see along it for many a milestone. Now there is a bend in it. I don't know what lies around the bend, but I'm going to believe that the best does.” (Lucy Maud Montgomery)

So here is my Christmas wisdom for anyone who is still reading. Be good to yourself this season. Rest when you can. Love all you can. Give where you can. Say no if you need to, but say yes if you can. Right now, I am tired, but I am also filled with hope.  I leave you with yet another Anne quote: “Dear old world, you are very lovely, and I am glad to be alive in you.” (Lucy Maud Montgomery)