Echoes

On this day three years ago, my mother-in-law Barb Traff passed away suddenly. Her health hadn't been good, but even so her death caught me by surprise. In many ways, it doesn't seem like it could possibly be three years. And yet...so much has happened since she died. Laura and Andrew were just newlyweds back in December of 2016, and now they have been parents for a year. Joseph and David were both living with us at the time. They have since moved out and now share an apartment. We got a cat. Emily and Eric were living with the Lings in 2016. They are now living with us, in a house we bought with that arrangement in mind. And oh yeah – we moved! Barb would have been interested in all the intimate details of those happenings, and I would have gladly kept her up to date. I miss our chats.

Barb with Laura at her wedding in August, 2016

 

There are echoes of Barb everywhere here in Rochester. Songs at church remind me of Barb. Grocery shopping and Walmart runs remind me of her. Every time we go to a Wendy's (or even drive by one), I think of her. We used to head there pretty much every Saturday and we would split a Frosty Junior three ways for a treat at the end of our meal. Barb always special-ordered at any fast food place she went. She wanted a burger on a bun with no toppings whatsoever. I can't even tell you how many burgers we “returned” over the years (and steaks that weren't quite done enough). She had particular tastes, as do we all. During the final two and a half years of her life, we ate together often, and reminders of our fast food lunches are everywhere.

Our new neighborhood brings more echoes, as we drive by Barb's apartment almost daily. I can't help looking up there and thinking about her. I would love to visit with Barb one more time. I would LOVE to be stopping up there every couple of days with Elle, seeing her gush over her great-granddaughter in a way only Barb could gush. I am sad that I don't get to see Barb be a great-grandma.

This afternoon on my way home, on a whim, I stopped at the senior living apartments where Barb had lived. I hadn't been there in quite some time. I think I donated some items that had been hers as we were dejunking more than a year ago, but even then it was just a quick in and out. Today, I stopped in with Elle. I thought maybe I would see someone I recognized. I did not. The receptionist was not the same one I remembered, and no one else looked familiar; however, if you bring a baby into a senior residence, you will get attention. So many folks stopped and chatted with us and enjoyed Elle's endearing smiles. One lady named Ruth was thrilled when she learned Elle's middle name was Ruth. For her part, Elle enjoyed watching the residents put up Christmas decorations. She pointed and talked and smiled. I only stayed about ten minutes, but it was a good thing to do today in honor of Barb's memory.

This is the two of us, outside of Barb's apartment complex.

Elle and I went home after leaving Barb's apartment complex. Baby-girl hadn't seen our house since we put up our Christmas decorations. I expected her to be drawn to the lights and the tree, but she really didn't pay much attention to it for the first half hour we were home. Then I asked her if she wanted to look at the tree, and she walked over there with me. Our tree is full of ornaments, and most of them are kid-friendly. The more breakable ones are up higher, although the tree is small so nothing is super high. Anyway, she pointed a little and then plucked an ornament from the tree. She didn't touch any others and played with this one for about five minutes. There was no prompting or directing from me, nor did I interfere with the way she was playing with it (but I was there with my camera to make a record of what she was doing). The ornament she picked was the one I made in honor of Barb and her sister Mary Beth, who also passed away three years ago this month. I couldn't believe it. I told Elle how much her Great-grandma Barb would have loved her, and Mary Beth as well. As I talked, Elle looked that ornament over thoroughly. It was such a sweet time. She did look at other ornaments after that five minutes had passed, but she still kept going back to the one with the picture of Barb and Mary Beth. What a gift that was to me, on this day filled with echoes. Elle's sweet spirit and gentle approach created a special moment that I will treasure for a long time to come. 

Our little tree

Elle grabbed the ornament from the tree.

She looked at it carefully.

She spent time with it.

 

Barb, echoes of you are everywhere. You are remembered. You are missed. You are loved.