Discontent

 I have been thinking a lot lately about contentment. According to Wikipedia, contentment is an emotional state of satisfaction that can be seen as a mental state, maybe drawn from being at ease in one's situation, body and mind. Colloquially speaking, contentment could be a state of having accepted one's situation and is a milder and more tentative form of happiness.

The circumstances of this very strange year have stretched me in unexpected ways and made me into someone I don't really understand much of the time. I am grumpier than usual. I am unsettled. I am more critical of others. I am more easily frustrated. I am less cheerful, less peaceful, and just generally less content.

I have listened to the rhetoric surrounding our current COVID-19 health crisis. It is minimized by some, who tell me I shouldn't live in fear. Others cite articles and studies coming out each day to back the science that says it is a formidable foe, worthy of a certain degree of fear.

My friends, it is not fear that keeps me up at night. It is discontent. Part of the discontent comes from dwelling on all the things that didn't happen this year: vacation, family gatherings, hugs, etc. Those losses are profound, and when I focus on loss, it easy to lose track of the many blessings that have occurred. But a major part of the discontent is even more pervasive. It a restlessness that stirs inside when I see that the world is NOT the wonderful place I thought it was. For my whole life, I have seen the world through these beautiful rose-colored glasses that would help me spin (almost) every situation into its best possible outcome. I could see possible honorable intentions when others assumed there were none. I could see a good outcome from a bad situation. I could see the people who showed love shining their light so much brighter than the ones who spewed hate. I could see hope when others were hopeless.

Things have changed, and it's getting harder and harder to find that positive lens through which I can view life. I have friends who I know to be kind and compassionate, but they are loudly expressing anger and insults. Christian brothers and sisters are deeply divided and almost proud of it. Each one believes he or she is RIGHT, and all others should pay heed or go away. This way we “talk” to each other has been wearing on me for months.

The thing is, I can't control anyone or anything except myself. I need to refocus my own heart, and listen to the right voice (the voice of the Truth of God alone) in order to reset my thought life. I need to speak truth even when I don't feel it, because I believe that in time, that truth will restore my soul and return my mind to the more optimistic framework to which I am accustomed. That's good, because I don't like this feeling that has been creeping into my innermost thoughts. Here are some things I am trying to do to battle my discontent.

1. Expressing gratitude: Saying thank you is a good place to start, but I also like writing notes to people and letting them know I notice all the little and big things they are doing. Writing notes to loved ones in our absence from them might just help alleviate some of the pain from missing them. It can be a simple email or a fancy card or anything in between. Thanking people is important, but just listing the things I am grateful for can be a real mood booster as well. It can help remove that knot in the pit of my stomach. Dwelling on what I DON'T have instead of what I DO have is always a bad idea. I can do better.

   

2. Building margin and rest into my life: My thoughts tend to go into a tailspin when I have no down time. I know for a fact that lack of sleep can be a big trigger for negative thoughts, but even just packing one thing on top of another can create the same kind of problem for me. I need to be purposeful in setting aside a quiet time. For me, it's time in prayer that resets me. If I nudge that out, even for good things, I start down a slippery slope.

3. Exploring nature regularly: I can't honestly say if everyone would need this, but I know I sure do. Getting out of the house and seeing the beauty in the world God created brings me so much peace and joy. It's a boost that can't be beat, and it's free!

   

4. Seeking the support of others: Having a good support network is key to good mental health. While an in-person gathering with friends is not the best idea right now, maybe a Zoom chat , a phone call, or a frequent email exchange will do the trick. It's important to stay connected and to connect with people who really do support me and don't just exacerbate the struggles I am having already. 

    

5. Reminding myself that this is a season: This is a HUGE one. I need to remind myself daily that this will not last forever. It is a longer season than I would like, but it is still a season. We will travel again. We will gather in big groups again. We will hug again. I really miss these things, and it makes me sad to be apart from family on Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's OK to feel those feelings, but getting stuck there does me no good. Instead, I need to focus on better days to come.

6. Remembering that all people are broken: In the end, it is my hope that others are struggling in these areas as well. That might sound wrong, but if I can see a harsh response from someone as a cry from their own pain, then I can more easily process it. If I can think that they might be tired and stressed and alone and in need of some love, then I can try to offer compassion to even the most prickly of friends. I can begin to get those rose-colored glasses back.

Not much is easy right now. This is about the time that some well-meaning friend walks up to me and says you “can do all things through him who gives (you) strength!” It's a great verse when you're feeling empowered and an overwhelming verse when you are feeling inadequate and exhausted. Thankfully, it's not an isolated statement. Putting that verse in context illustrates many of the ideas I discussed above. Paul was sending a written note to encourage friends in Philippi who were concerned for his welfare. Here is that oft-quoted verse with the verses around it, and it is SO much richer and better. “I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles.” (Philippians 4:10-14) That last line brings tears to my eyes. This is clearly a passage written by a person who has faced all kinds of adversity and has found his way through it (which, in itself, gives me hope)  – and even so, the concern of friends meant a great deal to him. He was filled with gratitude, had a great support system, and understood that nothing in life is permanent. I want to be like that.

Thanks for reading, my friends. It was good of you to share in my troubles. I love you.

 

An image of solitude and peace, for you!