More Mistakes to be Made

 So, I’m sitting here this morning with 4.5 pans of frozen lasagna in my freezer. The four big pans will come along with us on vacation to feed the masses while the small pan will be left here with Em and Eric so they can enjoy their lasagna while we are gone. It is a big deal to make 4.5 pans of lasagna. It is hard work, and it was even hard work for two of us, as I had my son David join in the labors yesterday. We cooked and assembled all afternoon. We were proud of completing a difficult task and shared in that joy.

That was yesterday. This morning, two and a half of those pans of lasagna are causing me distress. They are complete and frozen and…I forgot to sauté the mushrooms in them. Oh, how I hate to make mistakes! This one is seriously ruining my day. I don’t typically add mushrooms to lasagna when I make it at home, but I added them last year and sautéed them last year. I can’t explain why I didn’t think to do that this year. I have done some research, and the biggest problem with not sautéing your mushrooms ahead of time is that they release their moisture in the lasagna and make it watery, so at least it’s not a food safety issue. But still! I am so mad at myself. Something that would have been so simple to do the right way yesterday is now done the wrong way and impossible to undo.

Something that would have been so simple to do the right way yesterday is now done the wrong way and impossible to undo. R.J.’s and my thirty-ninth anniversary is tomorrow. Almost as soon as I started thinking about mistakes, I started thinking about marriage. Some days it feels like life, and especially life alongside another imperfect human being, is just a series of mistakes. I say things I can’t unsay. I do things I can’t undo. Much of the time, it would have been easy to keep quiet. It would have been easy to stop and think. But once my mistake has been made, I can’t undo it. I can only apologize, hope that my apology is accepted, and learn from my mistake. 

One of my favorite fictional characters, Anne Shirley from the Anne of Green Gables books, is known for her message about mistakes. I am including that quote here along with the dialogue that comes after it. 

“Marilla, isn’t it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”

“I’ll warrant you’ll make plenty in it,” said Marilla. “I never saw your beat for making mistakes, Anne.”

“Yes, and well I know it,” admitted Anne mournfully. “But have you ever noticed one encouraging thing about me, Marilla? I never make the same mistake twice.” 

“I don’t know as that’s much benefit when you’re always making new ones.”

“Oh, don’t you see, Marilla? There must be a limit to the mistakes one person can make, and when I get to the end of them, then I’ll be through with them. That’s a very comforting thought.”

Oh Anne, I sure hope that is the case. I sure hope I can get through my limit of mistakes soon. I seem to come up with new ways to mess up regularly. I don’t think I have your talent for never making the same mistake twice, though. There are some mistakes that I seem to make over and over again.

Thirty-nine years is a long time. Many times over those thirty-nine years it has been tempting to think of each day as an opportunity for more mistakes to be made rather than a clean slate with no mistakes in it. It is easy to dwell on the failures rather than the successes. It is easy to be pulled down into the mire of unforgiveness and the ugliness of failing to recognize my own mistakes. It is easy to have regrets.

I hate making mistakes, but…I am grateful for a forgiving Father. I am grateful for a forgiving husband, for a forgiving family, and for forgiving friends. I am grateful for the growth that happens from my mistakes, and for the chance to start each new day with no mistakes in it…yet. I am grateful for thirty-nine years alongside the love of my life, as we continue making mistakes together every single day. I love my imperfect life. 

P.S. I decided to bake the lasagna (with mushrooms) that I am leaving for Em and Eric, just to see how it might turn out and know what to expect from my un-sautéed mushrooms. It looks good! I am so relieved - and hopeful that I can let go of this mistake, at least, in order to regain the joy that comes with the day before vacation!