Christmas Entanglements

“Joy to the world!” “’Tis the season to be jolly!” “All is calm, all is bright!” Christmas carols echoed around the house, proclaiming the joy of the season, as we decorated for Christmas yet another year. Every year, I start the process with extreme excitement and joy. Every year, that excitement and joy become entangled with grief, about a third of the way into the process. Every year, I have a hard time finishing, I become irritable, and tears are right below the surface. I have written all this before.

Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t change that process. The pain is a part of the remembering, and I never want to forget those Christmases gone by. The slide show that goes on inside my head is an achingly beautiful thing. It hurts so good. The Christmas season brings on such a jumble of emotions. All those amazing childhood Christmases as well as the ones from when our kids were little bring incredible joy; there are, however, some deeply sad Christmas memories as well. On December 19, 1999, my mom slipped from this world to the next. On December 9, 2009, my dad joined her. Both died in December, and both deaths are intertwined with my Christmas memories. Each Christmas song, each ornament, and each decoration stirs a different emotion.

This musical decoration was my mom's.

This ornament holds a picture of my mom.

This one has a happy memory of our trip to PEI.

This is one of David's childhood ornaments. He loves dogs.

This is a bell from Great Grandma Traff.

This is one of the 12 days of Christmas
ornaments that the kids always loved
putting on Dad's tree

Decoration from a friend, from our early days.

Painted by a local artisan in my hometown

Woodwork by a neighbor in my hometown.

Needlework by another hometown neighbor

If your heart is aching this Christmas, I understand. The "music" of Christmas can be a love song, a ballad, a worship chorus, a blues medley, and a march all wrapped up in one. And there’s no escaping it: Christmas is EVERYWHERE! Here’s what I do when the sad hits. I savor it, so I can release it. I really do LOVE Christmas, and I know that the people I am remembering would not want that to change. I honor their memory by continuing to love Christmas and to find joy in the celebrations surrounding it. And in the midst of that joy, I sometimes cry. That is how my heart works. God is ever-present in my sorrow, so faithful, compassionate, and kind. He helps me look beyond my sorrow and see the ways I can focus on sharing the love that has been shared with me. 

Here are three holiday survival tips, if your heart is aching.

1. Pace yourself. Over-planning can spell disaster, as you need room for the emotions to hit and subside in order to stay healthy.

2. Place yourself (out in the world). Don't stay home and dwell. Get out there and enjoy the lights and the carolers and the parties, at least at some level. Look for ways to bless others.

3. Embrace yourself. Don't beat yourself up over the times when you feel sad. Let others love you and know that you are worthy of their love. You are uniquely wired. Figure out the things you like about the holidays and the things you don't like, so you can adjust your planning accordingly.

I am sure you have your own tips for what helps you survive and thrive this holiday season. Please share, so others can benefit from your wisdom. This holiday season, I truly do wish you peace, joy, and love.

Me, capturing this year's decorations

Our tree, all decorated, 2016