Weight Lifting

Some days, the weight of this world is enormous. I have had a stretch of that kind of heavy days. I feel the weight of caring for my students. If one has difficulties, I ache for that one. If the families I serve hurt, I hurt. The pain of the world is everywhere, and so it is bound to land in my sphere of influence every once in a while. That’s just the way life is, but the ache is real. I want to help more than it is within my capacity to help, and that feels wrong and frustrating.

Add in some grieving. February has been a tough month so far, as I think about Barb. Not only did we pass her birthday on the calendar, but there are so many other reminders as well. We had a choir weekend at church, and she always loved those. I imagined her out in the congregation, smiling and singing along. Also, as I mentioned in a previous blog, I have been working on selling her belongings. As I post pictures for a virtual garage sale, I remember her joy in these items. While the items themselves don’t hold much meaning for me, I still find the process of selling them unexpectedly sad. I feel a pressure to sell them and get a fair price and empty the storage unit. I feel a pressure to try to organize the chaos that my house has become in this process. I feel like I am not really keeping up with either of these tasks. And…I have yet to write most of the thank-you’s for the kindnesses done for us at the time of Barb’s funeral. There were not that many to write, yet I can’t seem to manage to get them (or my last few Christmas cards, for that matter) written.

I have friends in the midst of some serious pain and loss, the kind that no one on earth can really ease. My last blog contained factual errors that were central to its message. (I fixed them, but that I made the mistake in the first place really bothered me.) We need the plumber to come snake the drains in our garage and our basement. My Fitbit stopped working. I forgot to wish many friends “Happy birthday” on Facebook. I keep forgetting things at school and am feeling quite a bit less than 100% competent. If it’s not one thing, it’s another.

I still find joy, of course. I loved the music the choir sang this past weekend. That worship time was amazing. The weather is more spring-like than we could possibly dare to dream about for February in Minnesota. I have been planning a trip for my spring break, and that is satisfying and enjoyable. But the weight is still there, still lurking.

Today, I was blessed by a flower delivery. It’s the day before Valentine’s Day, so you might say a flower delivery is not that unusual. However, you would be wrong about this particular flower delivery. It IS unusual. And special. And perfect.

The flowers themselves are beautiful. They are a mix of roses, daisies, tulips, and everything lovely. But it was the note accompanying the flowers that sent this bouquet over the top. First, it’s not from my husband. He does send me flowers, but these are not from him. When you get a delivery of flowers on the day before Valentine’s Day, that is whose name you would expect to see on the card. Instead, here is the message this card held: “To a great sister, we are so very thankful that you are in our lives. You are truly an amazing person. We love you very much, Steve and Sheila.” I still cry each time I read those words.

They only reason they sent those flowers was to love on me and bless me. I am so incredibly grateful for them and for all the love in my life. Immediately upon reading this note, the weight I had been feeling began to lift.

To all of my friends out there who might not have someone saying these words to you today, I want you to hear this:

I love you.

You are a precious gift from God, and you are beautiful.

Your life makes my life better.

Thank you for being you.

And happy Valentine’s Day!

I’d take a picture of the flowers, but today it was my camera that I forgot at school. Sigh.