Gloomy Glasses

After 23 years at this job, I thought I could do it better. On Wednesday, David reported that his throat hurt. He still went to school and even did his Wednesday night church activities. Thursday morning, he again said his throat was pretty sore. I advised him to take ibuprofen. He forgot. When I picked him up following his after school Literary Guild meeting, his voice was mostly gone. He reported that he had slept away most of his open hour. He came home, took some naproxen, and slept for over an hour. When he woke up he ate a little something, but I wouldn’t really call it supper. However, he was marveling at the power of naproxen to give him his voice back. Friday was my day off. David woke up at the regular time but didn’t feel well enough to go to school. His throat was still sore. He took more naproxen, but I had him take his temperature first: 97.4. (This will probably develop into a cold, right?) He also had a bit of a headache and wasn’t very hungry. He seemed to be doing well enough by late morning that I had him shower and go to his piano lesson at 1:30. Saturday morning dawned, and he still had that nasty sore throat, and still no fever. We let him decide if he wanted to go to FastCare at Shopko. He said yes, he would go. The day’s schedule was too full to get him there in the morning, so I took him right after lunch. Wouldn’t you know it? He tested positive for strep. We picked up his antibiotics and headed home, but I felt so defeated. Not exactly because David had strep; I don’t think there’s much I could have done to change that. BUT….if I had taken him in earlier, even on Friday (my DAY OFF), he could have felt better sooner. Because it was strep, he would have to stay home for 24 hours. He would have to miss our planned trip to Crown College to see his sister Laura in her first college production, “Singin’ in the Rain” on Saturday evening. He would have to stay home, alone. Both he and Laura were very disappointed, and I felt responsible. Like I said, I’ve been at this job of mothering for 23 years. I should have known it was strep. I should have done my job better.

I was so upset about what wasn’t going to happen that I almost let that feeling of guilt/responsibility/regret suck all the joy out of the evening. I was ready to see everything through my gloomy glasses. My Wendy’s order was gross and wrong. (Never mind the fact that it is a real treat for us to get any kind of fast food – doesn’t happen often in the Traff household.) We got on the road later than I wanted, so I fretted that we would be rushed once we arrived. (We were still half an hour early.) It was going to be a tiring evening, sandwiching a play with an 8:00 curtain between  two-hour trips to and from Crown. Because I had called home two times in the afternoon, I had twice interrupted naps my husband was trying to take so he would be well-rested to do the driving on the trip. I’ve had the wife job for nearly 28 years, and I wasn’t getting that one right either. Grrrr.

Thankfully, God threw my gloomy glasses in the trash where they belonged. He reminded me that what I was experiencing was simply Plan B. I’ve been told that in Cambodia, Plan B is a good day. I thought I was totally fine with that, a flexible girl if ever you met one. My perspective has suddenly been adjusted. In abstract terms, anybody can be flexible. It’s harder when you’re invested in the events or outcomes that are being changed, when you really had your heart set on things happening in a certain way. Realistically, letting go of expectations is challenging. I need to pray that God will grow me into a woman of maturity in this area, teaching me to let go of my agenda in favor of His plan, to let go of “if only’s” in favor of His forgiveness.

Laura and her hair are on the left

The play was delightful. Laura's hair was a construction masterpiece, sporting about 40 bobby pins. Her dress with the hip-pads was outstanding. And the cast and crew did a great job with the production. I'm so very glad to have been there and equally glad that I did not give in to the temptation to let everything be ruined simply because it was changed.

"All this also comes from the LORD Almighty,
   whose plan is wonderful,
   whose wisdom is magnificent." Isaiah 28:29