Under the Sun

I have so many thoughts rattling around in my wee little brain. I suppose I should try to sort them out. I believe that if I did, I could write two or three blogs. Who has that kind of time? Instead, I am going to try to put it all in one. I am sure our pastor’s recent messages from Ecclesiastes have influenced this blog, so keep that in mind as you read.

This has been a busy year so far. In addition to teaching 30 hours/week at the preschool (3 classes, for a total of 53 students), I also have been taking some classes and helping our team at the preschool prepare the documents for our upcoming accreditation visit.  This is more than I am used to doing outside of the home – more, by a wide margin. I spent a good number of years out of the workforce. Five years ago, I entered back into the working world with my one morning/week job at Kingdom Kids, and I gradually worked my way up to 30 hours/week this year. OK, in a world of busy people, 30 hours/week plus a couple of extra commitments does not merit a blog; but for me, it has been an adjustment. I am familiar with a different side of this whole equation. For years, I asked the question, “What am I willing to give up in order to stay at home?” Now I am asking, “What am I willing to give up in order to accomplish these responsibilities outside of home?”

My crazy kiddos in 1999

Time passes so very quickly. Most days, I feel like I blinked and the kids grew up. I find myself loving the grown up people they became while still missing the children they were. Just recently, I came across a journal of sorts that I wrote in 1999-2000. Laura and I read through it together. We chuckled at the funny things that 5/6 year old David said; we remembered the deep grief we all felt when my mom passed away that Christmas; we recalled the great joy of Good Friday that year, when Joseph, Laura, and David all asked Jesus into their hearts (after a communion fiasco of epic proportions). It was a big year. It was also 13 years ago, and the fact is, that is just over half the life of my oldest child. On Good Friday of this year, R.J., Joe, Laura, and I sat up front in our normal row of the church. For our communion time, the congregation was invited to come forward to the altar. Everyone walked right past us. I kind of felt like my life was flashing before my eyes. We have been a part of this church for over 21 years.  The people here are our family, and time is marching on for all of them as well. I saw towering youth taking communion – youth I had taught in my two-year-old Sunday school class in days gone by. I saw my peers, looking older than they should. I saw some of the folks who watched my children in the nursery, aging more I wanted them to age. There were so many lives, all intersecting at the altar. (And wow – isn’t that a blog all its own!) As palpable as all those who were marching past me were the ones who were missing from that processional.

Without a doubt, I do not deserve the blessings I have. Why have I been able to watch my children grow up when others have not? That is a mystery I’m not going to solve here on earth. My heart aches at the pain that untimely death has brought into the lives of families all around me, families I love. One thing I do know is that this life is a gift, and I need to enjoy what I have been given. So many distractions would take this joy from me. To be used by God as I appreciate my blessings can seem an overwhelming task some days; sometimes though, just for a moment, it all becomes wonderfully clear and easy. I had a moment like that at the preschool just before Easter. I had just finished telling our Bible story. I talked to the children about the importance of what Jesus had done for us, and I prayed with them. After my prayer, one solemn-faced young man raised his hand. When I called on him, he said, “I would like Jesus to be the ruler of my life.” Another little girl echoed that response. I had the privilege of talking to them each individually about what that meant, and then sharing that declaration with their moms. Moms and teacher, crying at the door of the classroom – that’s what everyone wants to see when they are picking up their kids, right? The joy of that moment could not be contained. God was there, in a real and powerful way.

So how do I translate that mountaintop joy to everyday life? This summer my husband and I will celebrate our 30^th anniversary. That’s quite an accumulation of “everydays”! Just this week, while I was cleaning, I lost the sapphire from a ring my husband gave me after we had been married three years. Also while cleaning, I discovered that our cat had chewed up the birth certificates of our two oldest children. Quite honestly, most days are like this, with disappointments and frustrations in them. I read a blog yesterday, written by a young dad. He was so frustrated at hearing advice from seasoned parents that he declared “…if you tell me to enjoy every moment one more time, I will need to break up with you.” You know what? I do, occasionally, tell young parents to enjoy every moment. You need to know that I don’t mean that every moment will be fun. My yesterdays are like my todays, filled with disappointments and poised to ensnare me in the mundane. What I mean is that every moment is just one moment long. Then it’s gone. The advice I intend to dispense is to appreciate each moment for what it is. Savor even the times you fail, because you can learn from them. Cherish even the moments you are cleaning up a diaper blow-out, because those moments will give you compassion for others in a similar situation. Embrace the moments when you can’t even keep your eyes open long enough to finish nursing your baby, because waking up with your precious child snuggled close against you (even if you have a tremendous kink in your neck) is a limited-time-only event. Raising a family is not all pretty and fluffy and perfect. But it is a one way street, and you cannot pause or rewind (or whatever we do in this digital society). I want you to know that your desire to “fast forward” will come true, all too soon. This is it. As it says in Ecclesiastes 8:15 “So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun.” Joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun. What more could I wish for anyone? Time passes so very quickly. Get the most out of each day.  And by the way, I love you!