Spring Cleaning

Paper is my archenemy. I save way too much of it, and then I have to clean up messes that I wouldn’t even have to THINK about if I hadn’t saved all that unnecessary paper in the first place. At least that is what I am told….I remain only partially convinced. I admit that I have a problem when it comes to emotional attachment to inanimate objects. Be they love notes or pictures from my students (past and present), photographs of days gone by, or penciled-in, homemade patterns and ideas for long-completed projects (and believe me, the list goes on) – I do not “let go” well. I confess to holding on to simple stuff that I know I will never need again, but it all mixes together with the things I love and I get muddled. If you lived inside my head, you would understand. (WARNING: Do not attempt. It would be a strange experience at best.) I am not at the level of the folks in the “Hoarders” television program, thank goodness; we rediscovered that program last night and I feel a little sick at the thought of it yet today. But I do have issues, nonetheless.

When I spring clean, I generally end up taking the paper from my many stashes and spreading it on the living room floor for sorting. The day goes something like this: I sort. I get up to clear my head. I sort. I get a leg cramp. I go on a short walk in my yard and take some pictures. I sort some more. I feel waves of stress sweeping over me and an “I can never do this” feeling gripping me. I get up and send a couple of emails or look at Facebook. I sit back down and do the next thing, which is sort. After several hours of this emotional tug-o-war, I accomplish enough to feel as though I can save the rest for another time. Bags of paper are recycled, stacks are ready for shredding, and some mixed-in items are thrown away. Surfaces remain clear for a while. Right now, surfaces are (mostly) clear in our house, as I had a nice deep-cleaning session over spring break. But I know myself well enough to understand that the paper will probably return. I hope to manage it better, but I am not convinced that I will.

Why do I let a manageable task, such as dealing with each day’s paper as it arrives, become an unwieldy task? Why do I put myself in a position of stress, when I could so easily avoid it?

When I start thinking of it in those terms, I can’t help but see the similarity between this struggle and the struggles I have with sin in my life. I take a simple task, such as making an apology or changing a bad attitude, and make it much more complicated than it needs to be. I make excuses. I put it off doing the right thing. I struggle internally (that’s the Holy Spirit, convicting me) while clinging to the very things that cause me pain. When the eventual “spring cleaning” comes, it is exhausting and challenging.

As much as I do not like cleaning up my messes, both in the physical and the spiritual sense, I do like the look and feel of a “clean house.” God is pretty firm about the fact that I need to submit to Him each and every day. Little by little, I am learning and growing, and I cherish the God Who loves me enough to clean me up.

“Create in me a clean heart, O God,
    and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from your presence,
    and take not your Holy Spirit from me.

 Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
    and uphold me with a willing spirit.” Psalm 15:10-12

P.S. Spring cleaning my blog was MUCH easier. I hope you like the new look.