Thirty-Five (by R.J. & Liz)

What does thirty-five years feel like? I looked online and found out that 12,784 days have passed from June 18, 1983 to June 18, 2018. That’s 306,816 hours, or 18,408,960 minutes, or 1,104,537,600 seconds. Those are big numbers, to be sure. A lot of life has happened since a twenty-three year old young lady, a recent college graduate, married a twenty-one year old young man, a college student.

Us, early on

Us, always....

I like writing, and I like to write a blog around the time of our anniversary. After doing this for several years now, I feel that I might be writing almost the same thing from year to year. The memories of the early days are still strong, but I think I may have already told most of the stories. Maybe to shake things up this year, I’ll involve R.J. – well, just as soon as he wakes up from his nap. We definitely take more naps now than we did 35 years ago, but then again, right now we are on vacation. It is a rainy, windy day. What else would you recommend other than taking a good nap? I can’t think of anything more appropriate. While he’s napping, I’ll think of some questions. Then we can both answer the questions. I’m sure he’ll go along with that.  (Of course, this might go down as “the anniversary when you made me answer all the questions” but I can deal with that later.)

1.       What was the most humorous moment in your marriage so far?

Liz: We have enjoyed so many humorous moments. It is hard to pick. I think I laughed the hardest at funny things the kids said, or funny moments we had as a family. If it needs to be a humorous moment with just the two of us, I know I always enjoy R.J.’s word play and the way each of us can laugh at ourselves. It’s hard to pick out a specific moment.

R.J.: There isn't a "most humorous moment". Our life is suffused with humor, as one might expect when one of us is known as "Laffy Traffy" and the other is tall. Finding and creating humor is a reflex for us, exercised hundreds of times every day.

2.       What is the most common thing you argue about?

Liz: We usually argue when one or both of us are tired or stressed. It’s common on a trip, especially trying to navigate around a big city. R.J. commented earlier on this trip that if I had been doing the navigating around New York City instead of Google, we would probably both be dead. This is accurate.

R.J.: Unfortunate misunderstandings and unmet expectations.

3.       What is the most endearing habit/characteristic of your spouse?

Liz: I love when R.J. reads aloud to me. He is an excellent reader, with superb interpretation skills. What I love the most is when, either in the course of reading an emotional section of a book or in the retelling of an emotional event, my tough guy husband becomes choked up. It is precious to me when I see that level of emotion in him.

R.J.: See the "humorous moment" answer.

4.       What was the most challenging thing you two faced together?

Liz: I would say that the days after R.J.’s dad’s suicide were very tough. We had so much to do, so much we didn’t know, and then Barb’s condition was so tenuous as well. It was hard to see past the end of each day, to know what would happen next.

R.J.: The triple whammy of my mother's cardiac arrest, my father's suicide, and the subsequent responsibilities for my mother's care.

5.       Can you share a marriage tip for young couples?

Liz: I have learned the “power of the pause” over the years. It has been a challenge, but when something is frustrating or bothersome, I can sometimes remember to keep my angry thoughts to myself. I have found that if I can remain silent, often times, when I try to recreate that anger or incensed feeling an hour or a day later, it just doesn’t happen. I can more clearly articulate my thoughts. Sometimes, I let the issue go altogether, and other times I simply can discuss things more rationally. Either way, we both win.

R.J.: While I am tempted to refer again to the "humorous moment" answer (which really is important), I think the "love languages" concept is something that every couple should learn and apply.

(Let’s just take a moment here to say that my husband rocks. He answered these questions without even complaining!)

R.J. and I have so many differences. It would be easy to focus on them. He is taciturn; I am verbose. He is organized and methodical; my organizational style is chaotic/creative. He remembers everything; I can forget where I put a list that I made during a ten minute ride to the grocery store.  He likes to stay home and stay inside; I love exploring. We could focus on the differences and be annoyed by them, or we could each give a little and enjoy them. We have chosen to do that latter, and to ask God for help in that area regularly. I like to think we bring out the best in each other, and that is what should happen in a healthy marriage.

As the rain pelts the outside world and the wind howls around the corners of our comfy cottage on Prince Edward Island, it is easy to feel nostalgic and grateful. Life is unpredictable, but God is not. He has sustained us through good times and bad over the past thirty-five years together, and I know He will always be a Rock we can stand on. I am overwhelmed with thanksgiving for our life together.